My girlfriend was upset that her husband didn’t make special arrangements for celebrating her birthday – he left it all up to her. Her disappointment led to “words” and pretty much ruined the day. I know the control issues she has that make her husband reluctant to plan anything. I know them not just because I know her, I know because I also battle the same need to have things go exactly as I envision.
It’s funny how much easier it is for me to see the light when it doesn’t involve me. I reminded my friend how patient our husbands are with us, how they have spoiled us by letting us have our way in nearly every area. I confessed that I even caught myself telling my husband which parking space to park in! We laughed about how pathetic that is as she admitted doing the same thing! Our husbands could care less where we park, but realizing we obviously care deeply, they have actually chosen to keep the peace by asking which space we’d like them to park in. Of course their asking irritates us too… “Why on earth can’t he do something so simple as to pick out a parking spot without my help?”
Actually, hearing my husband ask where I’d like him to park woke me up. How and when did I become so domineering and selfish – a dictator? I’d be miserable married to me! How does he put up with it? Occasionally I drive my mother-in-law to an appointment. She tells me which lane to be in, which short cut to take, where to park, etc. She is one of us. But I don’t like her step-by-step directions, so why do I insist on oppressing my husband with them?
Thankfully, I don’t seem to have a need to govern outside of my marriage, but I’m watching for it. I’m turning over a new leaf and not going to let that nasty habit grow! Now when we’re driving along for miles and miles in the slow lane behind a big rig, I keep my mouth shut. Even when we drive right past our exit, my lips are sealed (though I’m chuckling inside). I know I am a “Type A” personality and may never quit analyzing the most efficient way to do every little thing, but God is opening my eyes to ugly side of controlling.
Funny thing… today over dinner I told my husband what I was writing about, apologizing for my offensive habit. He (of course), said it’s no big deal and doesn’t bother him a bit. See why opposites attract? His easy going way isn’t bothered in the least by my obsessions. Gotta love him!